My Journal- November - December 1997

Also, I've finally fixed my Netminder service on the front page of my journal that asks you to sign up to receive an email notification everytime I write a new story. Please, even if in the past you have entered your name, please reenter it now that it's fixed. I'm sure you've noticed it hasn't been working the old way.

This Friday the 19th I'm leaving for Pittsburgh for Christmas vacation. I'm really looking forward to it. Let's just hope nothing interesting happens to me on the plane trip this time. I'll be coming back home on the 27th. Do you realize this is my THIRD Christmas writing in this online journal? Craaaazy!

Do you have any hot plans for New Years Eve yet? I don't. Bummer. If anyone has any suggestions of something really fun to do, please let me know. Well, sorry this entry is so short and uneventful. It was mainly just a notice of some changes.

Before I go, I have just one more thing to say... be sure to watch the SouthPark Christmas Special on Comedy Central THIS Wednesday (the 17th) at 9pm CST. It's gonna be halarious! I can't wait! "Ya I want da Cheezy Poof!"

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!

I was going to tell you about the time I cut the tip of my index finger off with an exacto knife, but you're in luck. I was gonna tell you about the time I nearly killed myself wiping out on my bike, but I remembered I already did. I was gonna tell you about the time I ran away with the circus and became a trapeeze artist, but then I realized that never happened to me.

Nope, instead you get to hear about a time when I was naughty... a very naughty girl. A time when my own mother wanted to pretend I didn't exist. A time when I was a crazy, foolish, and frankly, a somewhat stupid child.

Ahhh... yes... it was back in 1984, well, that's my best guess anyway. I would have been just 12. My brother would have been 9. (Don't you like the way I'm setting the cast of characters? Pretty good, huh?) It was a warm summer day, one which is rare in South-eastern Wisconsin. My mother had just gotten a new job working as a receptionist at a doctors office. She had realized my brother and I were growing up and that we needed her not anymore. (OK, that's totally untrue, but we could stand to be without her a few hours in the afternoon after school.)

Alas, it was this warm day which lead to my ways of evilness. You must understand first that my brother and I loved to fight a lot. Physically. We loved to hit each other and wrestle around. At the same time, I don't think we really enjoyed inflicting serious pain on each other, but a little pain was OK if you know what I mean.

It was one spring day after school when my brother and I got into such a scuffle. Who knows how it started... it matters not. What matters is the outcome, the pinnacle of the fight. Somehow I managed to slam the door on my brothers big toe. Shame and for sooth! Immediately he started screaming in pain. Tears welled in his eyes and slipped down his cheeks in angry little rivers (... am I going to far with this? .... NAH!)

It was during his initial outbreak of agony that I realized that mother would be home any minute. If she came home while my fairer sibling was crying, I was sure to be in for it. Drat! Oh what can I do to cease those bitter tears? Wait! I've got it! It was then I had a strong suspicion that If I yelled out a bunch of swear words... really really (and I mean really) loud, it might just make my brother's pain turn to happiness. What the heck, I'd give it a shot.

"Sh*t!" I yelled as my first test. My brother looked up at me and took a deep breath. Knowing I had his attention, I continued: "H*ll! F*ck! D*mn! B*stard!" He began to smile. Ah yes! It would work. I reached down deep into my repertoire to find a few more. I yelled them even louder. He began to laugh hysterically. He let go of his toe. Nothing seemed to exist to him except for the rude words I yelled so fluently. Darn! I was running out! I didn't know many swear words, so I started to repeat the ones I knew, and even make up a few: "Frigging Amsterdams! Bullions Garffing!" I ran out of those made up ones quickly, as you can imagine. Must stick by the old stand-bys. I was getting into it. He was laughing so hard now that I began to laugh as well. Oh JOLLY TIME!

As I continued to chime out some more of my foul language, my brothers eyes widened and he stopped laughing. What? Were my words astounding and dazzling him? I noticed his eyes were no longer focusing on me, but on something behind me.

Oh what could it be?

Oh what could he be looking at?

Or should I say WHO could he be looking at?

I felt an incredible sinking feeling in my gut. I turned my head. Alas! NO! It was mother standing there... and she didn't look happy... nope, not happy at all.

I was astounded, I was dazzled, I didn't know what to say. I was at a loss for words. The cat had gotten my tongue, and I was struck silent. The anger in my mother's eyes didn't compare with anything I had ever really seen before. Perhaps...

"KATIE!" She seethed. "I could hear your foul mouth halfway down the road!" Really, I thought. HALFWAY? In a car? Surely no one could hear me screaming a mile down the road in a running car. I knew she was exaggerating... something I never do. Although I was pretty confident there was no way she could hear me halfway down the road, I decided to let it slide.

"I have never heard such a foul mouth in my entire life. Especially from my own daughter! What will the neighbors think? You are in BIG trouble missy." As I followed Mom down the hall, I turned back and looked at my brother helplessly. His eyes were still wide... and huh? Was that a slight smirk I saw on his face? Ahh... yes... I think it was. I'd have to get him back later.

Well, that concludes the tale of my one and only bout of naughtiness in my childhood. Now that you've heard it, please don't think less of me. Please don't think I'm a potty mouth. I've learned a valuable lesson... only say naughty words when there's no way mother could possibly hear.

Now, it's time to talk Halloween. Boy, did I ever fret about what to dress as this year. I mean, I just love Halloween so much that if I'm not something original and good I'm totally depressed. This year my costume idea didn't come to me until late two nights before Halloween, which left me only Thursday night to find the stuff I would need to create the costume. I decided to be Evil Bert, inspired by the web site Bert is Evil. (Check it out, it's pretty darn funny!) Anyway, Thursday night I went to MJ Designs and ran all over trying to find the appropriate things for my costume, as I was unable to find a Bert mask anywhere. Some yellow felt, yeah! That'll do! Some moving plastic eyes, a huge round orange pomp pomp ball for the nose, a bunch of weird black fake hair for his eyebrows and head. An oval shaped sponge for the ears, some pipecleaner for Bernice's (the pigeon) feet, and a kid's story book called "Cooking with Ernie and Bert".

Then I was off to Walmart to find an appropriately hideous striped shirt, and a large peice of foam board so I'd be able to make a lineup wall and tape it to my back (you know, thing thing with the feet and inch markers on it). I also found some perfect Handy Andy yellow felt-looking work gloves that would pass for Bert's hands.

I then scrambled home and began working. It's was 10:30 pm. Started sewing all the pieces of yellow felt together to make a bert head. Have a mentioned I don't sew? Several hours later I commenced to sew on his eyebrows in an evil furrow pose, his hair, mouth (in a frown of course) and ears. Glued on his eyes and used a peice of pipecleaner for a hoop earing in his ear. Rolled up a peice of paper to make a mock cigarrette. I look up at the clock. 3:30 am. Oh God. I do a rush job on the foam board and make some inch and feet lines. Bert's about 4 feet tall or something, right?

Go to bed at about 4 am, knowing any minute my alarm would go off. Ay Caramba!

Fortunately, a lot of people got a kick out of my costumer. Got LOTS of laughs. It made it all worth the lack of sleep. Plus, I even ended up winning 3rd place in the entire company for most original costume. Got a couple of movie passes! Bonus!

Well, because of my move, I never got to actually go out with the costume, so I guess that means I'll get to use it next year. That is, unless I think of something better. ;-D